No Permission Required
At 22, I was the quiet one in meetings, not speaking up for fear of sounding stupid, speaking out of turn, or giving them reason to think they hired the wrong person. I thought diligence and hard work I’d displayed at school would get me ahead, so I was waiting to be noticed.
It took breaking my spine a second time by 23 to make me realise I’m already in the game of life. The clock has started, what exactly am I waiting for? Why am I waiting? What exactly am I afraid of, became what am I missing out on.
A lot changed. Almost all of it with my mindset. Noone gave me permission. With a .045% likelihood of still being alive and walking, it was a crazy wake up call. I didn’t want to wait anymore to see if I was meant for something more. So I acted. Did all the scary things, repeated them daily.
My sales soared, so did my leadership capabilities.Within 10 years I was asked to head to America from New Zealand, as President of Flight Centre USA.
You know those moments at work. You have the answer, but you hesitate. Waiting for permission inside the room. What I am about to say seems too obvious. Already kind of said. The moment passes you by. You waited for permission that never came. A minute later someone else says it and everyone likes it. Someone else gets promoted before you. You replay that moment, perhaps many times.
You've probably heard that men apply for a job when they meet 60% of the criteria, and women wait until they meet 100%. That line traces back to an internal Hewlett-Packard report that was never published.
In 2014, Tara Mohr asked more than 1,000 professionals, mostly American, why they hadn't applied for a job when they didn't meet every requirement.
"I didn't think I could do the job well" was the least common answer, for men and women.
Most believed the listed requirements were real rules. 15% of women said they didn't apply because they were following the guidelines about who should apply. For men, 8%.
They weren't short on confidence. They were waiting for permission the job ad never actually required.
Hesitation, second guessing ourselves, waiting for the right time, are learned behaviours, and when compounded quietly and consistently, they become a normalised pattern and can feel like our identity. It's called The Sleepwalking Effect™.
Highly capable people waiting all the time. To be invited. Chosen. Validated. Promoted. Wait until they feel completely ready.
Some permission genuinely matters. Most of the time, though, the permission department is entirely fictional. We build it ourselves. Then we wait patiently outside.
The Numbers
In 2000, Thomas Gilovich and colleagues had students walk into a room wearing a T-shirt with Barry Manilow's face on it.
The wearers guessed about half the room would notice. Only about a quarter could even recognised or could name Barry.
We think the world is watching. The Spotlight Effect shows we significantly overestimate how much others notice us.
The day the women stopped waiting for permission
On 24 October 1975, around 90% of women in Iceland stopped work for the day. Paid work. Housework. Childcare.
Nobody gave them permission. Offices, schools and factories struggled to run.
Five years later, Iceland elected Vigdís Finnbogadóttir. The world's first democratically elected woman president.
The science
Erica Boothby and colleagues found that after a conversation with a stranger, people underestimate how much the other person liked them. They called it the liking gap.
Our predictions about how others judge are gloomy and often wrong yet we act on those predictions, as if they were facts.
That's The Sleepwalking Effect™ at its most personal. A thought repeated often enough stops sounding like a thought. "I need more experience." "Nobody asked me." "Maybe next year."
The ACT reset
Awaken. Catch the habit, the self talk.
Curiosity. Ask where you learned it. Is it serving you. If you changed it, would you end up in a place that better represents your capability?
Try. Take one action that needs no permission. Send the email. Put your name forward. Say the thing.
Trying is truly middle ground. No talent required. No confidence required. It creates data. Data creates reps, that no permission was required to try something different or hard, or simply fun.
The uncomfortable challenge
What are you waiting to be given permission for?
There is no requirement for you to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago, let alone by the end of the week! Pick one thing. Do it before Friday!
Source
Mohr, T. S. (2014). "Why Women Don't Apply for Jobs Unless They're 100% Qualified." Harvard Business Review. hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-qualifiedWhy Women Don't Apply for Jobs Unless They're 100% Qualified, HBR
